Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
