Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
