I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
