Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
