I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
