Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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