Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
