Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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