How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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