That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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