We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
