rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
