Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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