I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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