The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think my fart just growled at me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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