My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize