and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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