Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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