he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
