I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hippo gnu deer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
