I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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