If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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