I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
