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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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