is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
