I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
