Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
