Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
