you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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