flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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