How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
