He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
