Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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