He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They are going to name an STD after you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
