So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
