My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
