I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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