So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
