So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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