guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
