you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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