seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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