bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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