It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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