The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
