i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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