My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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