Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
