my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
