how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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