I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
