My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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