i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
