why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
