Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
