When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
