my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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