Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
