Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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