fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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