I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
