Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize