He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
