I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
