Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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