There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
