Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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