You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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