why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
