you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think i have herpe
just one?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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