my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
