fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
