Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
