I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
