Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
