I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
