She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
