Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So vagazzling was a success
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
