thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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