either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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