We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
