hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
